I Vanished From All Your Joy, I Am The Disappearing Boy

I know I recently posted a blog about gay marriage and gay rights. Normally, I wouldn't repeat a topic this soon; however, it is something that I cannot seem to get off my mind right now.

This past week, a very good friend of mine committed suicide. Kyle was only 20 years old and he was gay. The latter never really stood out in my mind when I thought of him, but for the purpose of looking at what led to his decision, it is a very important fact. I've heard in the past of suicide being more common in young gay people and this event led me to want to know just how much more common.

As it turns out, gay youth are four times more likely to committ suicide than heterosexual youth.  I found this absolutely shocking, honestly.  My first thought was that I cannot believe I didn't already know this.  Then I wondered how many people do know this, when really everyone should.  It is so representative of what gay and lesbian people go through, especially when they are young. It also demonstrates a world that harbors intolerance and is not welcoming to  people many would consider different.


Kyle didn't come out to my group of friends for quite a few years.  About two years ago, in the middle of a party, he gathered us all in one room and told us.  Our reaction was mostly just, "Okay. Let's go party." I was truly proud that in a group so close and with about eight young guys, not one person had a negative thing to say.  It didn't matter to any of us, he was still Kyle.  Today, though, I think of how scared he was to tell us, how long it took for him to gather the courage to tell the people that he thought would have the best reaction.  We had other gay friends and he knew we didn't care about it, and yet it still took years to gain the strength to tell us.  That kind of shame and fear of rejection over who you really are can drive anyone to the brink.

His family was less open to the idea and I know that broke Kyle's heart.  My friend's last memory of him is the end of this summer when she had to go to a family outing with him and pretend to be his girlfriend because some of his family still didn't know.  I can't imagine trying to desperately hide something about yourself because your family won't accept you anymore. 

To all the people in the world who think that being gay is a choice, I say why?  Why would anyone choose this path? A path where they are mocked, unaccepted, and hated by many in the world, not to mention their friends and family.  Having his friends accept him didn't do enough to make Kyle feel accepted, because despite the group of 20 of us who loved him dearly, society still didn't.  We agree as a country that racism is awful, because we agree it is not something anyone can control and you are still a valuable person no matter what your skin color, gender, height, etc.  Because we have not agreed that being gay is also genetic and not a choice, many think it is still okay to exclude them.  It is a dangerous assumption to make. 

No one should ever feel that alone in the world.  No one would choose to live a life that is so difficult, it makes them four times more likely to end it.  Everyone needs to know these statistics, everyone needs to understand what these young people go through.  There needs to be a change in this country, and not just politically.  Having a gay rights amendment would be a step, but we have a long way to go in actually changing the psyche of the American people.  It will be a long fight, but Kyle is just one of the many reminders every single day that it is a necessary one.